


Moving out

by Anchois



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Domestic, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Abuse, Polyamory, lots of crying tbh what am i doing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-06-18 18:57:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15492510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anchois/pseuds/Anchois
Summary: Soonyoung, Wonwoo, Junhui and Jihoon are in a loving relationship and live together in a flat and everything works fine. Until it doesn't and Soonyoung feels the need to move out.





	1. Addressing the problem

“We need to move out.”

Wonwoo takes another gulp of his coffee, puts the cup down, looks at the clock and sighs. “What the fuck.” It's way too early on a Saturday morning for that.

“I said, we're moving out.”

So he has heard correctly. “Why do you want to move out ?” Maybe if he were more awake he would have been a lot more frightened upon hearing that his boyfriend wants to leave their flat but then again it's too early and the week has been a long one.

“Not me, us, _all of us_.”

Now it makes more sense. A little more sense. “Why ? This place is perfectly fine and it was already so hard to find.”

Soonyoung sighs as if all hope has left him and slumps on the barstool he is currently sitting on. “I haven't talked to Jihoon in weeks.”

“What happened, you guys fought ?” Wonwoo asked, concern is his voice

Soonyoung snorts at that as if it's the stupidest thing he has heard in a long time. “We didn't even have the occasion to.” He leans on the table and puts his head in his arms. “Last time I actually saw him was three weeks ago to ask him what brand of shampoo he needed.”

“You can't be serious.”

“It lasted for like, twelve seconds and then I had to leave.”

“You're exaggerating.”

“I swear I'm not !” Soonyoung suddenly yells. He straightens up and runs his hand through his hair. Clearly, he's exhausted. “This place is hell because I live in it with my boyfriend but I can't even see him.”

“You two have been working extra hours recently, it's normal that you don't see each other as much.”

“But we should see each other ! I can't kiss my boyfriend goodnight, I can't hold his hands, I can't do shit because this place sucks. Why do we have two tiny rooms when there's four of us ?” Soonyoung asks jerking his hand in the general direction of the bedrooms.

“Have you talked about it to Junhui ? Maybe you could exchange place with him and sleep with Ji for once.”

“Honestly Wonwoo, when's the last time Jihoon has willingly slept without Jun ? Hm ?” Soonyoung looks at him expectantly. He's waiting for an answer he knows he won't receive. “Yeah, I can't remember either. Now I don't blame him, we all have our habits but it's still fucked up that I can't see him as much as I want too. So we need to move out.”

Wonwoo gets up and puts his cup in the sink. He takes Soonyoung's as well because he knows that now that he is upset he won't be able to eat or drink anything. Then he walks back to where his boyfriend is and sits in the chair next to his and takes both of his hands. He takes the time to kiss them and to rub his thumbs over the back of his hands in a soothing manner. And it works because Soonyoung seems to relax a little. He's still upset but at least his shoulders are less stiff.

“For how long have you been sitting on this ?”

“A long time. I've got everything planned out. We need to find a house just outside the city where the subway still reaches. It's not much farther from your work, just a couple stations more. And we could buy it, Jihoon has the money. And if the rooms are too small then we could knock a wall or two down, we wouldn't have to care as it would be our house.”

“Junhui will never accept.”

Soonyoung sighs again and runs a hand through his hair, defeated. “I know, I thought about that. But if Jihoon pays for the house and then we repay him a little bit every month it would be the same as paying a rent and Jun won't feel as if he owes him something.”

“I'm still not sure it will work. But you really thought about that.”

“Yeah I did. This place is suffocating.”

“We'll see what we can do.”

“Do you agree on leaving too ?” Soonyoung is not sure about that. What if he is the only one who wants to leave ? He knows Wonwoo already hates losing too much time to go to work and if they move out it could be worse but he really needs to leave.

Wonwoo bends down and kisses his hands again. “Anything for you.” And Soonyoung feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. Voicing his concerns out loud makes him feel as if he can get out of this. “We'll make it work, don't worry.” He kisses Soonyoung's temple soflty before getting up and saying “I'll speak to Ji, but please don't be mad at him or Jun if they disagree.”

Soonyoung deeply sighs and answers with “I'll try” dejected.

“Anyway didn't you have dance lessons to give this morning ?” Wonwoo asks, trying to change the subject.

“I did but I cancelled it. We ended later than expected yesterday and anyway I've been a dick to my kids, I was on edge and couldn't stop myself from yelling at them all evening. I was so pissed at myself when I realized it that I told them this morning's class was cancelled to make up for it. Now I need to apologize because they sure as hell don't need that right now, they're already so stressed by their exams and the upcoming show they don't need my private life interfering in the way I teach my classes.”

“I still can't believe your company is introducing them right after exam season.”

“Yeah, me neither, but there's nothing I can do. I already told them it was a terrible idea but they said they would find someone else to teach the kids if I didn't want to. And I really, really don't want that.”

“You did everything you could.” Wonwoo said as he tenderly kisses Soonyoung's head on his way to the bathroom “They'll be alright if they're with you, you're a great teacher.”

 

 

 

 


	2. Testing the waters

“Have you talked to Soonyoung recently ?”

Wonwoo is slouching in a chair in Jihoon's office, eating his salad while the other is absent-mindedly chewing on his sandwich while looking at his desktop screen. Even during lunch break Jihoon can't seem to stop working hence why Wonwoo comes and keeps him company, just so he does not forget he has to eat.

“No why ?” He takes a time to think and adds. “Actually I haven't seen him in a while. Is everything alright ?” He does not seem too much worried, they became used to not seeing each other a lot when they had a lot of work.

Wonwoo straightens up, takes his feet off the coffee table and looks at Jihoon. “No, everything isn't alright actually.”

Jihoon immediately takes his eyes off the screen and looks at Wonwoo in the eyes, alarmed. This is absolutely not what he thought he would hear. “Why, what's going on ?”

“He wants to move out.”

Jihoon laughs slightly, clearly unimpressed. Possibly, he doesn't believe him. “For a second you had me worried here, Won.”

“I'm serious Ji. Soonyoung wants us all to leave the flat and find somewhere else to live.”

“But why ? The place is nice and he has never complained before ?”

Wonwoo answers sternly. He is decided to get his message across. He promised Soonyoung he would try to convince Jihoon and now he can't back down. “You said it yourself, you haven't seen him in a while. That's hat he's complaining about, it doesn't seem like we really all live together.”

“We have been busy recently it's normal it's a busy period for the both of us.” He furrows his eyebrows and rests back in his seat. “He has to prepare his kids for the upcoming show and I have a whole album production to go over. It's not easy.” He's feeling as if he's being reproached something but he's not sure what, so defending himself isn't the easiest thing to do either. “And I see you and Jun all the time, it can't be that bad.”

“Jihoon, are you serious ?” Wonwoo can't help but look at him as if he's turning crazy. Really he can't be saying this right now. “You see Junhui because you two sleep in the same room and if I didn't pass by your office every two days we wouldn't see each other as much either.”

“So what are you telling me we should do ?” This time Jihoon isn't calm anymore, clearly this conversation is wearing him off. Like he has said he has been busy, and a busy Jihoon is an irritable Jihoon and he doesn't like to beat around the bush.

“Maybe we should consider moving out for real. Maybe if we had a better place we could all see each other more.”

“Moving out won't change the fact that I have a time-consuming job and you know that. Besides the place we end up in could be even further from here and it would only make things worse.”

“But if we only have one bedroom instead of two then it would be okay.”

“Mind you Wonwoo, I'm tired and I sleep at night, it wouldn't change anything.”

“Don't play stupid Ji you know what I mean. And Soonyoung really, really feels the need to leave.”

Jihoon stands up and throws his wrapping and the end of his sandwich in the trash can before looking through the window. He can barely see the passers-by from up there but he can still pretend, just so he doesn't have to look at Wonwoo. “Whatever I say there's no way Junie is going to say yes.”

“Actually, Soonyoung has a plan for that.” Wonwoo explains him the whole idea of him buying a house and the other three repaying him back afterwards. “It could work.”

“No it won't work ? He didn't even let me help buying him a new car, let alone a whole mansion.”

Wonwoo sighs, tiredly. He knew even before trying that convincing Jihoon would be a hard thing to do but maybe the task is even harder than he thought. “We don't need a mansion Ji. Just a small house and a big bedroom.” Reasoning him is the only thing he can do when Jihoon is on the defensive like that.

“And we'll have to live away from the city and doing everything will be hell. Should I remind you that only Junie has a car for now ?”

“You could have one too. You have your driving licence.” This is a point Jihoon can't refute.

“Anyway it won't work. I don't want to leave the flat, it's nice.” He shrugs with a fake smile on his face, still facing the busy traffic of the city. “I like it.”

Wonwoo sighs and feels the beginning of a headache forming on his forehead. This conversation is a mess. It's more than he can tolerate, the hypocrisy is unbearable. “Are you fucking kidding me ? I heard you hollering against the boiler yesterday evening and this morning you said the windows were shit because they let all the cold air come in ?”

Finally Jihoon turns around and looks at him, and he seems more tired than angry but he still isn't ready to comply, not one bit. “Sure, it needs fixing but it's not that bad, right ? I mean we've lived in there for almost three years it's not a big deal. Besides I never heard you complaining before, what's gotten to you all of a sudden ?”

Wonwoo is tired, and he really doesn't want to fight him. He just wanted to talk to him. So he takes a breath in, settles his voice and speaks calmly. “Listen Ji, Soon seems seriously unhappy about this situation and I hate to see him like that. If he wants out, we're all leaving no questions asked.” Calmly but sternly.

It doesn't do anything to calm Jihoon however. “But it's not that easy ! Finding a decent place is hard and there's four of us what is he thinking he can't make all the decisions by himself !”

“But he can't bear this flat anymore he hates it and he's suffering so we need to move out don't you care about that ?”

Maybe trying to play on his feelings wasn't the smartest move to do. “Don't you fucking dare telling me I don't care Wonwoo because if you haven't forgotten Soonie is my boyfriend too and I don't want anything else but for him to be happy ! But. We. Can't. Leave.” He stretches out his sentence anger slipping between each words. He means it, he really does. He loves all three of them unconditionally but things are never as easy as they seem, especially for them.

Wonwoo stands up and throws the remaining of his food in the trash. It's waste but he honestly couldn't care less right now. “What are you so scared of that you don't even want to talk about leaving Jihoon ?” And it's a real question, there's no underlying insinuation, just care and concern but Jihoon still can't seem to answer it right away.

“I'm not scared. But there's no way Junhui will accept.”

“He will if you are the one presenting it to him following Soonyoung's plan, and you know it.” Wonwoo collects his stuff and makes his way to the door. Anyway, lunch break is almost over. “So let me ask you again, what are you so fucking scared of ?” So many things, but Jihoon can't say that. “Just promise me you'll think about it.”

He doesn't say anything, he doesn't know what to say. So he just looks and the door closing behind his boyfriend and listens to the hubbub of his coworkers returning from their break. He takes out a cigarette from the secret stash he hides in his desk and lights it. They're going to be alright, he just needs to get this idea out of his boyfriends' minds. Where they are right now is enough.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi thanks for reading and liking this story !! Next chapter will be between Soonyoung and Jihoon and should be posted during the following 2 weeks ? I'm not sure cause I'm going on holydays by then but i'll let you know
> 
> hmu on twitter if you want → [@snwusvpremacist](http://twitter.com/snwusvpremacist)


	3. Facing the situation

**To : Wonwoo**

hes ignoring me

again

i swear his ass better be home early tonight cuz we need to talk

like actual adults

 

**From : Wonwoo**

You know “talking like actual adults” also means that you'll have to listen to what he has to say and not shout the second you hear something you don't like, right ?

 

**To : Wonwoo**

shut up

ur not helpin

traitor

:((

 

**From : Wonwoo**

I know you dread this conversation but you're going to be alright, you know that ? Everything is going to be fine, no need to worry.

 

**To : Wonwoo**

im not sure about that

 

**From : Wonwoo**

Well I am. I need to go back to work but Ji should be on his way home. Keep my updated, okay ?

 

**To : Wonwoo**

kay

will do

ily ♥

 

Soonyoung has just the time to see that Wonwoo answered with “I love you too ♥” before he hears the door being slammed open and then shut. He doesn't have to rise up from the couch to know it's Jihoon, everything indicates it's him from the sigh he exhales the moment he crosses the threshold to the sound of his feet on the wooden floor.

“Hi Jihoonie, had a nice day ?” Guessing by the way he stops on his way to the bathroom Jihoon didn't know that Soonyoung would be there too.

He walks to the living room, tired but fond smile on his face and plants a kiss on Soonyoung's forehead, mumbling a greeting of his own while excusing himself to go and get changed. He comes back a few minutes later in all sportswear face clean and his hair held back. Two cups of tea are steaming on the coffee table as he seats next to Soonyoung. “How was your day ? Aren't you home earlier than you should ?”

“My boss made me cancel dance practice because the kids are too behind on singing and need more training. So, forced day-off for me it was.”

Jihoon takes the two cups from the table and hands one to Soonyoung simultaneously getting closer to him. “Nice. What did you do then ?”

“Unfortunately, the chores.” Jihoon snorts lightly and lets his hand fall on Soonyoung's thigh, gently massaging it. “I had to wash the dishes, mop the floor, tidy up my side of the closet and do the laundry. I can't even understand why we let that much clothes on the floor and never try to wash them regularly.”

“It's because we're lazy, Soonie.” He marks a pause and puts his own drink down. “And also because you sweat so much that you have to change your outfit twice a day and no one wants to wash your clothes.” He says playfully nagging him.

“Oh shut up.” They start to laugh and make gentle conversation about the ways their days have been while they were away from each other, enjoying the simplicity of a conversation they could not have had in a long time.

Slowly, they get closer and closer to each other. At first it's just hand holding, a palm caressing an arm and sitting with their elbows touching. But as they talk more and more all they can feel is that they have missed each other too much, the warmth and the close proximity are just a mere memory to them. So at some point Jihoon gets sick of it and just crawls on Soonyoung's lap and kisses him shutting him up in the middle of his sentence – but anyway he had not really paid attention to what he was saying.

Soonyoung too completely forgets how to speak as he envelops Jihoon in his arms, gently but firmly holding him in place while they kiss and hold onto each other. Let people call them desperate if they will, they don't care because they already know they are.

And it feels so good to be so close to each other after so long, to be able to kiss and forget everything else. To feel, with their tongue, hands and hearts.

In between the many “i missed you” and “i love you” Soonyoung manages to hear his phone ringing and he does not have to check to know. It's Wonwoo texting him to tell him he is on his way home and that he would be there in about half an hour, less if he manages to catch the first bus.

So Soonyoung has to talk, he knows he does. And he doesn't want to, of course he doesn't, not when he has Jihoon so pliant over him, not when he is given the intimacy he has been craving for so long, not when finally, finally he feels like his evening could be good.

But he is also tired of delaying the topic. With Wonwoo they had talked about it for the first time two weeks prior and he knows for sure Wonwoo has tried to address it to Jihoon at least twice. As for Junhui he is not even sure he knows anything. And frankly, Soonyoung can't pretend anymore as if everything is alright, as if waking up without having seen one or the other of his boyfriends for two days is a normal thing. He's had enough.

So when finally he straightens back in his seat and stops kissing Jihoon, it's with an ache in his stomach and a lump in his throat. “Jihoonie, can we talk about something ?”

And really, Jihoon is not in the mood for that, not with the way he starts trailing soft kisses along Soonyoung's jaw. “I don't really want to talk right now. Better things to do.”

“Jihoonie please. I'm serious.” And with the pleading tone Soonyoung uses he has no other choice but to listen.

So he sits back on his heels, takes both of Soonyoung's hands in his, intertwines their fingers and looks at him. “What is it ?” He seems relaxed, way more than when he came home about an hour earlier. And Soonyoung feels like shit already because he knows he is about to ruin it all but then again, he knows he has no choice if they want to move forward.

“I want to talk to you about the flat, you know, Wonwoo's told you about it a little already.” And Soonyoung feels Jihoon's grip tightening around his fingers. He sees the way his jaws clench and his brows furrow. And he definitely feels the drop in the temperature in the room. But at least Jihoon has not stormed off. Yet.

“Yeah, we talked a little. I thought it was over.”

Soonyoung wants to laugh. He genuinely, bitterly wants to laugh. Because he knew it would happen. Jihoon is not someone easy to convince and when he decides the discussion is over, then it better be over and done with. He had always been this way but they made it work because in the end he only wanted what was best for the four of them. So Soonyoung takes a breath in, a breath out, and speaks again. “I want to discuss it with you. Again.” Jihoon averts his gaze but at least he is still holding his hands. “I really can't bear this place anymore. Everything feels off, and it's cramped and noisy and badly insulated.” He tries to catch the other's attention. He nudges his knee, squeezes his hands, looks for his eyes. “And I can't see you.”

So Jihoon tries his best, because that's what he has promised Wonwoo, to be patient and nice. He smiles and tries to put all of his sincerity in it. “But you see me now right ?”

And Soonyoung huffs, because he knows what he is doing, he sees the fear and the pain and the worry in Jihoon's eyes. He knows that he does not want to hurt him, that he never did. And so he also knows that he will do everything he can and must to avoid this conversation and just hope everyone will forget about it. “Please, Jihoon, you know what I mean. I really want to move out.” Jihoon frees one of his hands and passes it through his hair, pulling them back. “We could have so much better elsewhere.” Jihoon averts his eyes and looks at the empty cups of tea on the coffee table. “And it could be even cheaper. All you'd have to do is convince Jun.”

Jihoon takes his second hand back, sharply. He did not mean to, but he still did it. “Except I don't want to.”

“But why ? This place sucks and you know it, we've all heard you complaining all the time.”

“You know me, you know how I get. I complain all the time, but the truth is it's not that bad.”

“But it is ?” Soonyoung is astounded. For Jihoon to lie like that just means he really doesn't want to talk about it. “I can't see you, like, never. How is that “not that bad” ?”

There is no way Jihoon is getting safe out of this one. “I'm sorry I've been busy but we can make time for each other, I promise I'll make some effort.”

“Alright, when ?” Soonyoung really is not going to give up. “Because I checked your calendar and you have absolutely no evening free for the next ten days.”

“You're looking into my calendar now ? And you're lying because I actually have nothing planned Saturday evening.”

“Well that's convenient because you know damn well I work on Saturday evenings, so what do we do now ? We wait until someone cancels something to see the other ?” Soonyoung is absolutely not calm enough at this point. He can feel his face heating up and the tension building in his thighs.

“Calm down Soon, it's just for a couple of weeks, we'll see each other after th-”

“After what exactly ? Because it's been more than a couple of weeks, it's been a couple of months already.” Jihoon tries to interrupt him but Soonyoung doesn't let him. “I'm tired of having to make plans to see my own boyfriend when he lives just across he hallway. I'm tired of having to wake up at the crack of the dawn just to get a kiss from you and I'm tired to get back home quietly just because you don't want to be disturbed even though you're not even asleep yet.” He takes a long breath in once again, trying to steady himself and get ready for what he is about to say. “It feels like I'm the only one who's really trying.”

And Jihoon just snaps because he doesn't know how to react otherwise. “What the fuck Soonyoung, have you heard yourself talking ? You're saying you're mad because we're both busy and we don't see each other which – okay I understand you're right, you're absolutely right about that but how is us moving out going to change that ? What if we can't find a place that's closer to any of our works ? What do you expect ? Do you want me to leave my job to make a little more time for you ? Is that it ?”

“Jihoon no, it's not.” Soonyoung hears the tears in his voice but he can't make them go away. “You're saying nonsense stop twisting my words, I just -”

“You what ? What's your big plan to make this relationship perfect ?”

“Maybe if we had a bigger place, a bigger bedroom, more than three chairs in our kitchen, maybe it could work better that's all I want.”

“But you're the only one wanting that, you've made up your mind and didn't even stop to think about the others.” Jihoon is looking at him as if he's dement, and it hurts. “Sure Wonwoo is okay but he's only always okay with whatever you have to say, he'll do anything for you.”

“But Jun -”

“Yeah, about that. I talked to Jun because I'm not the egoistic self-centred bitch you all seem to think I am, and mind you, he said no.”

Soonyoung blinks at him. “What ?” He had not expected Jihoon to have talked about it to Jun and he certainty had not expected Jun to say no either.

“He said no, because not everyone can move out of this place so easily, everyone has their obligations. If you had stopped thinking about yourself for ten seconds you would have noticed that Jun doesn't want to move out either and if you had manned the fuck up and actually confronted him about it then maybe you wouldn't have hurt him the way you have by excluding him of yours and Wonwoo's plotting.”

At this point Soonyoung is just bawling his eyes out. It hurts to hear Jihoon talk to him and about him like that. It hurts to learn that everything you wanted to do right you actually did it wrong and ended up hurting everyone in the process. And it hurts that Jihoon seems so right about that.

Just as the front door is being unlocked, Jihoon speaks one last time that evening. “Now Soonyoung if you want to move out so badly no one is holding you back, you're free to leave, but just know that I'm not leaving with you."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I'm currently on holydays (yay!) so i'm not sure when the next update will be, probably in like 10 to 15 days !!


	4. Defusing the situation

“Now Soonyoung if you want to move out so badly no one is holding you back, you're free to leave, but just know that I'm not leaving with you.”

This is the first thing Junhui and Wonwoo hear upon arriving to their flat one Tuesday evening. Then comes angry steps on the hardwood floor, the slamming of a door and a tired “fuck” being whispered. They look at each other, the two seemingly completely lost before Wonwoo hurries to the living room and Junhui to Soonyoung's room.

Unsurprisingly he finds him on his bed, curled up on himself and shaking with the violence of his sobs. He crawls on the bed behind him and holds him, as tight as he can. Soonyoung turns around and just cries even harder into his chest, face flushed an angry red, nose runny and tears freely flowing from his eyes shut tight.

All Junhui can do is whispering soft “i love you” and “please calm down” while rubbing a comforting hand down Soonyoung's back. From where he is he can hear Wonwoo and Jihoon yelling at each other in the living room but he can't decipher exactly what they are saying. He doesn't need to anyway because it's obvious what they fought about. Him and Wonwoo foresaw it all: the cries, the tears and the pain, and yet they weren't prepared for what happened, no matter what actually happened.

A few minutes pass before the shouting finally subdues in the flat and Junhui hears Wonwoo and Jihoon leaving. It takes a few more minutes for Soonyoung to calm down, or at least for him to stop shaking and be able to breathe long enough to talk.

Junhui gently passes a hand through Soonyoung's hair, removing it from his forehead and gently kisses it. “What happened ?” he whispers in a low voice, afraid that if he speaks too loudly the world will shatter and Soonyoung will cry again.

“He doesn't want me anymore.” Soonyoung manages to say between hiccups.

It's painful to hear. Junhui knows it's not true – it's even the opposite of the truth – but he also knows that Soonyoung probably really thinks it is. “Don't say that, it's not true.” He holds onto him even tighter.

“It is, he told me.” Soonyoung only sobs harder.

At this point Junhui doesn't know who is more hurt and who he is trying to comfort because he knows Jihoon is totally capable of having said that without thinking it and it creates a hole in his gut. “Please, tell me what happened.”

So Soonyoung does, voice trembling through the tears and ruining Junhui's shirt. He tells him everything from the kisses they shared on the couch to the pain he caused in his chest. He tells him how it hurts, how he only wanted to make things right. And he tells him he is so, so sorry for the hurt he caused and for the unforgivable and irreparable mistakes he made.

“Don't say that,” Junhui tells him for the second time that night because he can't bear to hear him say such things, “you've done nothing wrong.”

“Stop lying” Soonyoung shouts, weakly hitting his chest with his clenched fist. “Jihoon told me you were hurt because we didn't talk to you about it.”

“But I'm okay I talked with Wonwoo I don't really care.”

“Stop being so selfless you're just making things worse ! I'm egoistical and I only think about myself without taking the others into account, I know I am.” And it's so awful to hear because Junhui knows it's words that came out of Jihoon's mouth, he can hear him say that loud and clear. And he knows Soonyoung takes every criticism at heart, even the most arbitrary one and he can't help but believe them. “And I know I hurt you even if you say I didn't and I'm fucked up and I ruined everything.”

So Junhui can only be honest because what else can he do ? Soonyoung has already reached rock bottom anyway and nothing he could say would hurt him more. “Yes you hurt me, but I'm fine now. I understand why you didn't talk to me about moving out, it's okay. I don't care know. You had your reasons.” He untangles one arm from his grasp around Soonyoung's waist and holds one of his hands, kissing his knuckles lightly. “Sure you made mistakes but you're not fucked up and you haven't ruined everything. We'll be okay, we have always been.”

“But he said he didn't care if I moved out.” And Junhui can't say anything at that because he knows Jihoon did and there is nothing he could say that would heal the wound. So he just holds onto Soonyoung even more tightly and whispers consoling words in his ear, waiting for him to finally fall asleep, exhausted by his pain and heavy-hearted.

 

 

After that life at the apartment is hell. No one is shouting at least but no one is really talking either. Soonyoung spends the most time possible at the studio – he needs to help the kids anyway – Wonwoo is working on a project at a co-worker's flat, Junhui tries to pretend like nothing happened and Jihoon spends even more time at work and when he comes home he crashes on the couch in the living-room only to go back to work as soon as the sun rises.

And it's painful, and it's a mess. It's worse than ever and no one is really sure how things are going to be from then on. They want to make up but some things have been said and done, things that hurt and things that can't be forgotten and overlooked that easily. They are at a point were anything could change everything, could make it worse and end their relationship. And truthfully it's not as easy as in a couple : when things are over the two split and follow their lives. In this they are four, the possibilities are endless. They could all separate, or split into two couples, or just reject one person. They could all go on with their lives with a person left. And it hurts so much to even consider it that they don't do anything not to have to reach such a point.

But it's not liveable. They can't even breathe in there without feeling like they could break something. A plate, a window, a wall. A heart. A three-years long relationship.

 

So it's both a relief and a curse when Soonyoung eventually gets a text from Junhui on the following Friday morning.

 

**From : Junhui**

We need to talk and sort things out. Don't be late tonight because it's gonna take a while.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can you believe ill be internationally legal tomorrow because i cant (even though its not really a big deal as ive been legal in my country for 3 years but whatever)  
> thx if youve read up to here i should be able to update some day next week !!


	5. Looking back

Jihoon being in love with Soonyoung had not always been an obvious statement. At the time Jihoon had entered the relationship the other three had already been together for a year or so and mixing in had been a bit... chaotic.

He had met Wonwoo through work and had had a crush on him for the longest time, but then he had met Junhui at a work related celebration and he had kind of decided to let go of his feelings because obviously the place was taken. What he had not known was that after this evening Junhui had not stopped talking about Jihoon for three weeks straight and he had somehow convinced Wonwoo to make a move on him – even though Wonwoo had repeatedly told him it was a bad idea because he was his superior, what if he took it the wrong way, what if he was offended, what if the news of him being in a polyamory relationship spread at work, what if, what if.

But he had given in, and even though it had been quite odd and complicated at first he had never regretted it.

So Jihoon discovered over coffee one day that Wonwoo and Junhui were in a particular relationship where there was not two but three of them and they sort of wanted to add him to the whole thing – if he had understood it right. He had, but it had taken him weeks to get used to the idea and even more to finally agree to go spend time with them just to know if it would work.

That's when he met Soonyoung.

It was a late Saturday afternoon at the end of August. Jihoon had actually come over to work on some project with Wonwoo and they had both agreed that doing it at Wonwoo and Junhui's flat was a good way of seeing how the other interacted in the private sphere.

Junhui had been out all afternoon for grocery shopping while Jihoon and Wonwoo worked on their project. It had been said to Jihoon that he might get to see Soonyoung that day but it was not a sure thing as he was quite unwell at the time.

Jihoon had seen pictures of Soonyoung, of course he had, and he seemed like a decent guy and even handsome. But he was not the type of guy to develop feelings for someone just based on their looks so he was really eager to meet the man, though he must admit he was also anxious because up to then it had gone smoothly between the three of them and he was afraid he would not get along Soonyoung. So in all honesty, he was okay with not seeing him for now.

But this sentiment was short-lived as someone appeared in the living room when Wonwoo was in the middle of defending his aesthetic choices for album cover of the new upcoming group of their company. The man shambled in the hallway and leaned onto the door frame, cheeks reddish and eyes heavy with sleep. He had ice packs tucked in a cloth that was wrapped around his head and he truly looked as unwell as the other had said. Probably the wisdom teeth, Jihoon guessed.

As soon as Wonwoo noticed him he got up and next to the boy. “Hey, are you alright ? You know you shouldn't be up.” Wonwoo carefully took his hand and sat him on the couch next to where he had been seated. “You need something ?”

The man put his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands as if he were nursing a headache. “Painkillers please,” he answered in an almost unintelligible way.

“I'll get some just relax okay ?” Wonwoo kissed his temple tenderly and quickly went to the kitchen.

In the meantime Jihoon did not really know what to do so he thought introducing himself as a beginning was not such a bad idea. “Hi, I'm Jihoon, I'm Wonwoo's co-worker.” _And his and Junhui's date_ he wanted to add but did not want to seem rude. He extended his hand with the most gentle smile he could make in such a situation.

The other took a look at him as if he was only now registering that _this_ guy was the Jihoon he had heard about. “Soonyoung,” he only offered and weakly shook his hand before closing his eyes once again. An awkward silence settled between them and Jihoon was not really sure what to do or say so he just stayed quiet and got back to his work.

Wonwoo re-entered the room with a glass of water and a pill that he ended to Soonyoung. “Don't you want to go back to bed ?” Soonyoung shook his head no. “Alright I'll sit on the floor then.” Wonwoo said as he helped Soonyoung lay down on the couch and put a cushion under his head.

They continued to work like that, only interrupted by the groans of a sleepy and aching Soonyoung. And interrupted they were as Wonwoo had to get up to prepare Soonyoung some tea but then he had to get him a glass of water to rinse his mouth because the “tea tasted like shit, have you put pepper in this or what ?” And it was quite infuriating because sure Jihoon came over to see how the relationship worked but they also did have to complete that project and they were not getting anywhere at that pace. And it was so, so irritating to see Wonwoo devoted to this guy while the other treated him like his domestic. He was so different from Junhui it was impossible they could get along.

But thankfully Junhui came back and after he had greeted everyone he took care of Soonyoung who yet kept complaining. And truthfully, it was getting on Jihoon's nerves. How could someone be so unsatisfied and annoying ? They did everything to please him, from giving him soft food to bringing him anything he asked and even making sure he was as comfortable as possible by sitting on the floor. And Wonwoo and Junhui did all of this with a smile on their faces, they absolutely did not care. But Jihoon was not going to tolerate someone who was treated like a prince and who treated others terribly in his relationship. So as soon as the work was done he got up and promptly left.

The day after at work when Wonwoo asked him why he left so quickly he just answered that he was sorry but it wouldn't work, he did not want to be part of this relationship.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i said it would be quick but it wasn't i'm so sorry. school got in the way, as i'm in my last year of my bachelor's degree (or it's french equivalent but whatever) it's quite hectic and demands much more time and energy than i would have thought. and then i lost the urge to write this story. but thankfully someone left a comment saying they missed it so i kinda got back to it ?? thank you so much.  
> i'm in revising period right now and for the next three week as well, but i might be able to update around the new year's celebrations.  
> i hope you have a great day ♥


	6. Starting to solve the problem

“I'm home,” Soonyoung says rather anxiously when he crosses the threshold. He has kept his promise to be home early, going as far as to rush through his dancing class, something he usually never does but he figured the situation was already so bad he'd better not add to it.

“I'm in the bathroom !” Junhui calls out, voice muffled by the sound of the streaming water. “Wonwoo and Jihoon are not here yet but they should be on their way.”

“ _Of course,_ ” Soonyoung replies quietly. He is not surprised, he knows Jihoon will do whatever it takes to postpone this conversation as much as he can. Out of fear – or so he has heard – but also out of spite. He really can be insufferable when he is mad, but then again so can Soonyoung. So he breathes, keeps his cool, and decides to turn on the TV to take his mind off this mess.

It does not work.

  
  


When Jihoon and Wonwoo finally arrive home – an hour and a half later than usual – Soonyoung and Junhui are in each other's arms, both dozing off on the couch with a music show running on the TV.

“Maybe we should let them sleep, they look exhausted.”

“Jihoon, _no_. You're going to get changed while I wake them both and then, we talk. This is what we agreed on. What _you_ agreed on,” Wonwoo says decisively.

“ _Fine_.” Jihoon is somewhat ashamed of himself for sounding like such a child, but it has been a long day, and he is pissed off. He could really use some sleep right now. And maybe he could only wake up three weeks later, it would not be a luxury. But he does as he is told just as he promised.

  
  


When they are all seated around the table – the _coffee_ table and sitting on the floor because then again there are not enough chairs in the kitchen – it is awkward. No one really speaks. How to begin ? Soonyoung is looking down at his hands, Jihoon is staring at his phone that is continuously ringing at the other side of the table – they agreed to put them away to focus entirely on the conversation –, Junhui is trying to put it on silent and is at the same time avoiding Wonwoo's gaze that is fixed on him, waiting for him to say the first words. He won't, because he doesn't know what to say. He looks up to Wonwoo, meets his gaze, and reads the weariness and distress in it. Alright then, he might as well begin.

“Okay so, we all know why we are here.” He sounds like an attendance officer scolding two kids who fought in the school yard. Great. “Maybe we should start by making a list with all the pros and all the cons of leaving ?”

Jihoon merely answers with a “whatever” and crosses his arms, looking away and Soonyoung _tsk_ s at him but is then given a look by Wonwoo so he does not go further. _Great_.

They start pretty slowly, giving reasonable and detailed arguments, but Jihoon does not say anything even though even Soonyoung is playing fair by giving arguments against leaving. But then Jihoon starts to see that there are more arguments for leaving so he gets involved in the discussion and it gets more heated.

“We could end up finding nothing in the centre and being far away from the city.” Everybody looks at him, they had clearly given up on his taking part in the discussion.

But Soonyoung replies almost instantly and calmly. “It's a risk I'm willing to take.”

“Maybe there won't be any buses going around there.” Jihoon retorts.

“Jun has a car and we could be a new one for you and Wonwoo.”

Jihoon uncrosses his arms, astounded. “It would be too expensive to buy a new place _and_ a new car.”

Junhui is about to say that it is a fair point but Soonyoung does not let him. “But we have the money.”

“ _I_ have the money, and not all of us can reimburse.”

“Not all of us can reimburse _now._ But it doesn't matter how long it takes, we have all the time in the world.”

“It could take forever.” Wonwoo and Junhui look at each other from across the table, alarmed, both aware that this conversation is going south.

“I hear you Jihoon, but it would mean we could live in a place we actually like.”

“I like it here, it's not -”

Soonyoung's eyes momentarily open wide and then he crosses his arms, looking away and clearly pissed. “Oh, _please_.”

“Hey guys let's calm down a bit -” Wonwoo tries to quiet the volume of the talk but sadly he goes unnoticed.

“Will you let me finish my sentences, Soonyoung ?” Jihoon snaps.

Soonyoung's face is getting redder the angrier he gets. “Not if you're going to say bullshit like that, no.”

“So what I can't say I like where we live now ?”

“No you can't, because we all know it's a goddamned lie.”

“You don't even listen to me how could you know I'm lying ?”

“Because I know you and I can see it on your face. And I know you hate this place, we all do, and -”

“But just listen to what I have to-”

“For fuck's sake Jihoon I'm wanting, I'm willing and I'm waiting to listen but you're only telling lies ! So you listen carefully to me now because this will be my last question.” Soonyoung looks at him straight in the eyes his finger pointed at Jihoon, accusing. But this time his tone is soft and gentle. He knows it's a battle he cannot win with anger, and anyway he's already defeated. “What are you so afraid of ?”

The room goes quiet, everybody holds their breath. Time has never gone so slowly. They all know the answer will be decisive of their future.

And when tears prickle the corners of Soonyoung's eyes, when his heart is so clenched it physically hearts, when he is about to give up on all hope because this is it, this is the end, Jihoon yields, casts his head down, and with a strangled voice says. “ _Alright._ I'll tell you.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I first meant to update on the 31st in case anyone was lonely but i thought the 24th was just as good so merry christmas and know that i think about you and youre not alone ❤
> 
> (Btw thx for the 100+ kudos omg i love you all!!)


	7. Trying a second time

When Jihoon enters the café he straight up looks for Wonwoo who has told him he was at the back against the windows with a mustard sweater. In spite of Jihoon cutting short their beginning of a relationship they had agreed to meet outside of work, but only as friends. However the person that corresponds to the description and that waves at Jihoon with an hesitant smile on his lips certainly isn't Wonwoo. It's Soonyoung. And Jihoon has no idea what this is about, but he feels uneasy and somewhat trapped.

“Hi, I'm glad you still came,” says Soonyoung when Jihoon is close enough. “I was afraid you wouldn't want to see me after the last time, and I think we have many things to tell each other.”

Jihoon angrily crosses his arms on his chest, staying up instead of sitting in the booth the other gestures to him. “Yeah, we do. The first is _where the fuck is Wonwoo_ ?”

Soonyoung looks genuinely confused at that, then passes a hand on his face and sighs. “Did he tell you you were supposed to meet him ?” Jihoon nods. “I'm sorry. I truly am. I asked him if I could see you again, just so we could talk and maybe sort some things out, but I guess he was afraid you would refuse.” He looks up to him again. “If you want to leave I would totally understand. I'm sorry.”

Jihoon considers leaving, he actually does. He feels used and he doesn't like it, even less so because it's by someone he really likes. But he also sees Soonyoung in front of him. Soonyoung who really does look hurt and defeated. Soonyoung who he may have judged way too quickly.

So he takes a seat and says : “Alright. Let's do this.” And by the smile that warms not only Soonyoung's face but also his own heart, he can only think he has taken the right decision.

The first thing Soonyoung does after they have ordered is to apologize. “I know I'm quite difficult and I complain a lot when I'm in pain, I'm sorry you had to see that right off the bat.” He is looking at his hands. ”I also apologize for having completely ignored you and not even having tried to ask for basic things or whatever. I was a dick that day, I'm sorry.”

Jihoon is surprised to say the least. He didn't expect for the other to apologize so quickly and so plainly. Now he is the one to feel embarrassed.

“Actually...” He runs his hand through his hair, uncomfortable. Apologizing and opening himself to the others have never been something he is really good at. “I owe you an apology too.” Soonyoung looks up with questions in his eyes but he stays silent, waiting. “I knew you were sick, Wonwoo had warned me actually, I should have been more indulgent. But the truth is –“ They thank the waiter as he brings them their coffees – with only a little bit of milk for Jihoon and with what looks like a shit-ton of sugary stuff for Soonyoung. “Honestly I think I was scared. It's just – Listen. I liked Wonwoo okay ? I didn't think much of him but he was handsome and nice. And then I met Junhui and I was like “Oh okay he has a boyfriend” but then a few months later they told me about this polyamory stuff and how there were three people in it and they kinda wanted me in ad wanted to introduce you to me ? And I don't know I just -” He sighs. This is a lot to say out loud. Even to only think about. “It was a lot and I freaked out.”

Jihoon doesn't go on for a while, he just thinks about what to add. And Soonyoung is patient despite this not being his main quality as Jihoon will later find out.

“Just being with the two of them was okay, this I could handle. But meeting you, entering your house, seeing how you lived all three of you together… I don't know… It made things more real and the truth is – I was scared.” He holds his head in his hands, looking down at his cup of coffee. This time he's done, he has said what he wanted to say.

Soonyoung gulps on his beverage, licks the foam he has on his upper lips and says : “I get it. I understand how disturbing it can be. But if you don't want me in it we can find a different way to do it. Junhui and Wonwoo both care about you, and I can see that you do too. I don't mind sharing if that's what makes them both happy.”

Jihoon raises his head in disbelief, not sure he has completely understood the other.

“I still have my flat, I don't officially live with them yet.” Soonyoung looks down at his hands, wrenching them. He has a small smile on his face, but it's sad. “You could go there one week and I would go the other. I think it could work.”

“No ?” Jihoon can't believe what he has just heard. “Don't say that, I don't want it.” Soonyoung looks even less at ease. “I just – It's my fault okay ? I know I messed things up but I'm actually glad you are all willing to give me a second chance. I'm not saying that it will work but I'm willing to try. With you too.”

“With me ?” Soonyoung can't seem to believe it. “Are you sure ?” Jihoon nods, timidly. “But I thought you didn't like me and that I annoyed you to the highest degree.”

Jihoon looks down once again, ashamed. He has never looked at a cup of coffee so much in his whole life. “I'm sorry that I've said that. I actually didn't even really mean it. I didn't try to know you. But if you asked to see me after the things I've said then I guess you can't really be someone bad ?” He looks up, hopeful. And then he notices that Soonyoung is blushing. It's faint, the lightest pink on his cheeks, but it's definitely there. And Jihoon may start to feel cocky, so he pushes his luck. “And I think you're cute and hot, it would be a waste to push you out of this.”

Soonyoung audibly gasps and his blush becomes a full crimson red. However Jihoon did not expect him to reply so rapidly. “I mean … You're not too bad either.” He says sheepishly.

And maybe, maybe this isn't so bad after all and there is the lightest hope that it could work.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to update on the 31st for the same reason i did on the 24th but unfortunately i didn't have the time. but here is the next chapter so i hope you've enjoyed it. don't forget to leave a comment or something, even the shortest one, it would mean so much to me !
> 
> I wish you all a Happy New Year, may 2019 be the best year you've ever had !!
> 
> (i've got exams till mid january and then i'm starting a new semester so i'm not sure i will be able to update before the end of february but i'll keep you updated on twitter !! hmu @/snwusvpremacist)


	8. Unwrapping the burden

“ _Alright._ I'll tell you.” Jihoon passes a hand through his hair to buy some time. He has rarely felt so uneasy with his boyfriends. Normally they are always the ones to make him feel better, to take the pressure off his shoulders. And yet, and yet. Tonight his eyes hurt with the tears they try to contain and his throat is incredibly tight. He feels as if the moment he opens the mouth a flow of pain will come out and never stop. But he has to do this. So he takes a deep breath, and he starts.

“There is this person that used to work for my dad. He was like his press secretary if you want. Basically he helped my dad for the interviews and stuff. He was kind of a big shot you know, knowing one or two high-up journalists in every agency. And so he had some sort of control over them, could ask them to keep some things private if my father didn't want them to go public. It's kinda helpful when you're one of the country's biggest producers and your only son, the heir to your empire, is incredibly gay. It wasn't something my dad wanted people to know about. Not that he was ashamed or anything, but he didn't want me to get into trouble. And so yeah, this dude just kept our name free from scandals.”

Around the table everyone is confused, to some degree at least. Why is he talking about that ? But they are quiet, mainly because they do not have any other choice.

“And then at some point I started my own music career under another name. My dad had been retired for a few years already but he still knew that dude and asked him to take on the job. At first I didn't want to because I thought I didn't need it, I was already open about being gay at the time and I didn't care much for what people were thinking. But my dad forced him to work for me and eventually, after a couple of months of me gaining some kind of success he showed me the articles he had prevented from being published, just so I knew.” He takes a break then adds with his voice trembling. “It was horrible.”

Junhui is the first one to react and he reaches for Jihoon's hand as fast as he can, to give him something to feel attached, to feel a bit more secured. And Jihoon lets him and even grips back tightly, as if it were his lifeline.

“Of course there were a few articles about me and my ex-boyfriend, about the places we used to go to together and we had never meant to stay a secret so I didn't care much. But the others were really... Well firstly they were all just lies ? Fake pictures of me going into shady places or brothels, me getting involved in minor car accidents while drunk, me hitting some girl, me insulting I-don't-know-who. Everything you could imagine I had done according to them. They just wanted to create drama to undermine me or whatever. And so the guy shows me all those articles and asks me if I really don't want him to work for me. And so of course I hire him because I realised I really needed someone like him.”

He reaches for the water bottle on the table, pours himself a glass and takes his time to gulp it, hoping to make the lump in his throat go away, to no avail. At least he still has Junhui's hand holding his.

“This was like five years ago ? Now the old man is retired and I have his old apprentice who works for me, Chanyeol.”

Wonwoo ticks at that. Out of the three of them he is the only one who has ever seen Chanyeol and up to now he didn't know what the occupation of the dude was, he just knew that he worked for Jihoon in some way or another.

“At first I had my doubts because he was so much younger he couldn't possibly know as much people as his predecessor but he has never failed me. If anything Chanyeol is even better because god knows my life is way more tumultuous than my father's.

“When it was just me being gay, going to gay bars and everything it was okay, it was manageable. Then we started dating, it was a bit more complicated because the media wondered _how come I had more than one boyfriend ?_ I know we tried to stay discreet but somehow it was not enough, but it was still okay, only articles about me having a decadent way of life, nothing I had never heard before.

“But then. Then, we started looking for a new apartment, for the four of us and people started to notice. I mean it was also kind of obvious you know ? Four grown-up dudes looking for a flat, of course it attracted the attention. And at some point the newspapers started to be interested in the story, and even more when they realised that Woozi, one of the main producers for Planetarium Records, was one of them. Chanyeol tried to contain them but the media being what they are they didn't care much and put pressure on him. So he asked me to do it quickly, to just chose a flat and settle in it so that it wouldn't blow in our faces. So I forced you all to rent this flat, which I knew right from the beginning was shitty as hell and I'm actually quite impressed we stayed for over two years here but I honestly didn't have any other choice.”

Now his voice has completely cracked and his tears just fall down freely from the corner of his eyes. It's just too painful.

“You should have seen the articles they were writing about you, calling you names, saying I was paying you or whatever twisted shit the could imagine. It was so horrible to look at. I didn't want anyone to ever treat you like that ever again. I love you so much, you don't deserve that just because people happen to know my name. You deserve so much better.”

His face contorts as he cries hard his voice only getting thinner and thinner and he drops his head in his arms to hide himself. Soonyoung crosses his arm over his chest and looks away, fighting for the tears to stay where they are and Wonwoo brings his chair closer to Jihoon to rub his back, soothingly. At this point everyone has already guessed what his reasons were but they still let him finish, he needs to unveil his story. So he goes on, his voice muffled by his sweater.

“I didn't want for us to move out because I knew what would happen and I couldn't have born it it was just too much. Chanyeol told me as I'm ever more known than before the articles may be even harsher and he may not be able to control them. And now Soonie is famous too, everyone in the dancing world knows his name but Chanyeol has no control over that, he only has influence in mainstream and music specialised media. He didn't tell me not to move out, but he told me what would happen if I did. And I didn't want it. And I thought that maybe, maybe if I took that idea out of your heads then we could stay here and move on.”

He brings his head up and looks directly as Soonyoung, face all red and puffy from crying. “I am sorry Soonyoung, I am so sorry. I freaked out and took the wrong decision this is all my fault, I am so sorry.”

Soonyoung risks a glance at Jihoon and his pleading voice. He shouldn't have. The boy's face is crumpled, he looks totally devastated. And Soonyoung just can't take it so he lets out a loud sob as he gets up and goes round the table to hug him tightly, crying at least as much as the other.

“I love you Soonyoung, I love you all. I'm sorry I was so stupid please forgive me.”

They end up all moving to the couch to hug each other. The evening has been long, there is no need to lengthen it any more, new decisions can be taken once the sun rises. For now they just need to remind each other of their love and to stay together.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone it's been a while. as i had previously said the last year of my degree is really choatic and time-consuming and i can't write as much as i would want to even though the chapters of Moving Out are already quite short. i've managed to pass the first semester but the second isn't even a tad bit easier so unfortunately i don't know when i will be able to update next. however i have a chapter almost completed i just haven't decided yet if it will be the 9th or the 11th one so no promises. don't worry about the future of this fic i have the end planned out and whatever happens next i intend to finish it. as my uni year ends in may you may expect a new chapter at the end of may at the absolute max. i know it's a long way from here but please keep in mind that i have a life and i don't pull any profits from writing here so always remember to be kind please.
> 
> anyway, i'll see you as soon as possible. if you want to keep in touch you can reach me on my twitter @/snwusvpremacist


	9. Still Figuring Things Out

No matter the type of relationship people have with each other, and no matter the number of people involved, communication is always the key; it is a well-known fact. It is even more true within a new relationship involving four young men who are still learning how to act with one another.

  


“Can I talk to you guys about something ?” Jihoon says as soon as Soonyoung leaves the flat. He has been waiting for a few days now to get an opportunity to talk to Junhui and Wonwoo without Soonyoung in the room and it has been more complicated than he had thought it would be. But finally Soonyoung needs to go to work and the other three have their evening off and absolutely nothing planned. “It's about Soonyoung.”

“Yeah sure, what is it ?” Wonwoo isn't even really paying attention. Rather he's comfortably sprawled in Junhui's arms on the sofa as they watch a cooking show on TV. Clearly they don't sense that Jihoon is concerned.

“I think I did something wrong and hurt him.”

At that Wonwoo and Junhui both snap their heads towards him, alarmed. They disentangle themselves from each other and motion for Jihoon to sit on the sofa with them. He approaches them, careful and anxious. As soon as he sits down Junhui takes his hand and gently strokes it. It doesn't do much to reassure him but he appreciates the gesture. “What happened ?”

Jihoon takes his time to gather this thoughts. He has never been very good at talking with others, even more less so talking about subject so... intimate to say the least. He braces himself, looks at his boyfriends, and goes.

“It was last week. We were having sex, and it was great and all but in the middle of everything he asked to stop, and it was really sudden and he seemed weird so of course we stopped but I actually don't know why ? Everything was alright, I think he was enjoying it but then he wasn't. He was really unwell so I freaked out and I asked him what happened, if I did something wrong but he dodged my questions and said it was nothing, but I know it wasn't.” Jihoon inhales deeply, then exhales shakily. Not once has he broken eye contact with his boyfriends. “Please help me figure it out.”

Wonwoo looks at him with his eyebrows furrowed, in deep concentration. He might seem careless or uninterested sometimes but he takes everything that happens to Soonyoung very seriously. “Did you confront him on it afterwards ?”

“Yes but he keeps brushing it off and doesn't want to talk about it.”

“Did you hit him or something ?”

“What ? No, I didn't !” Jihoon squeaked. “And I wouldn't have done something like that if we hadn't discussed it beforehand.”

Junhui lightly strokes the back of his hand with his thumb and gives him a contrite smile. “I'm sorry Ji but you will have to tell us in detail what happened if you want us to figure it out.”

Jihoon closes his eyes and passes a hand through his hair turning beet red. “God, this is so embarrassing.”

“I know baby, but I'm afraid you don't have any other choice.” Junhui keeps stroking his hand reassuringly, encouraging him to go on.

“Alright.” He breathes deeply once again, and looks at his feet. It's funny because he has had sex with both of them, even both at the same time, and yet it's really hard for him to talk about such intimate things to them. He feels like somehow he's violating his and Soonyoung's privacy by unveiling what they do in the dark but it's stupid considering that they already know. “We were just doing the usual you know. It was late, we were both tired, I was fucking him missionary because we both needed the intimacy and to relieve some tension.”

They all know it couldn't be only that. It might come as a surprise for some but being in a polyamory relationship doesn't necessarily mean being kinky all the time – hell it has nothing to do with that – and they do it missionary more often than not. Soonyoung has never complained before. “What else ?”

“I'm not sure... I was in him, almost ready to finish and dirty talking in his ear to make it even quicker because I was tired, I stroked him and he was moaning and all but then he asked to stop ?” Jihoon can't see himself right know but judging by the heat he feels on his face he has never blushed so hard in his life. “I know it wasn't great sex because we were both exhausted but we've had worse and anyway he has never refused to talk about it afterwards so now I'm just lost.”

“Do you remember what you told him ?”

Jihoon brings both of his hands up to hide his face. “I don't remember, it was in the heat of the moment, I'm not sure it even made sense. This is _so_ embarrassing.” He mumbles, still not uncovering his face. He brings his knees up and hides behind them. “I mean, you guys know what I say during sex, right ? I shouldn't have to spell it out for you. It probably had to do with how good it felt to be inside him, how good he was taking me, I don't know.”

Wonwoo is the first to realize. “By any chance, did you call him a whore or something like that ?” Junhui looks at him and it finally clicks. It could be that. It has to.

“I don't know ? I mean it might have escaped me but I'm not sure actually.” As neither Wonwoo nor Junhui say anything more for a few moments, Jihoon raises his head. “Why ?”

The other two exchange a look, not sure how to explain it to him. It's not their story to tell, but considering that Soonyoung doesn't want to talk about it at all, they might have no other choice.

So Junhui begins cautiously, taking one of Jihoon's hand in his again. “Soonyoung isn't really into degradation, to say the least. He -” He actually can't say more as his throat is constricted, so Wonwoo takes on.

“To make it short he's had a bad experience with one of his exes and since then he can't stand to be called a whore or a slut or anything of the kind.”

Jihoon can feel his stomach drop. He had no idea. He had somehow believed that the problem wasn't from him because it was easier like that, but it actually was, he actually _hurt_ Soonyoung and apparently reminded him of an old trauma. How could he forgive himself. “But he never mentioned it ?”

“I know.” Junhui gives him a small smile, but it's sad. “He doesn't like to talk about it, I'm sorry you had to learn it that way.” Internally he thinks it's something that could have easily been avoided, but it's also hard to talk about boundaries and things that hurt.

“I'll talk to him when he gets home,” is all Jihoon says before entering the open arms of his boyfriends for a well-deserved consoling cuddle session. They keep on telling him that it's not his fault, that he couldn't know and that they'll be alright, but somehow Jihoon can't believe it until he talks to Soonyoung.

  


  


It's the middle of the night and they are sat on the bed of the smallest bedroom. Jihoon had softly knocked on the door when Soonyoung was getting ready to go to sleep, and asked for a talk. Soonyoung was more than exhausted, his dance class had been particularly intense, but judging by the worried expression on Jihoon's face he knew he couldn't refuse it. And anyway he might know what it was all about and it was high time they discussed it. Soonyoung would have preferred to do it when he was more awake and full on energy but he had brought it upon himself and he knew it so he didn't have the luxury anymore to chose the time to do so.

So he has moved to the head of the bed, got under the covers and gestured for Jihoon to do the same.

Once they are comfortably settled, facing each other under the comfort of the warm duvet, Jihoon begins. “I talked to Junhui and Wonwoo about the other day when we were having sex and I think I figured it out.” Soonyoung stiffens and looks at Jihoon's chest, unable to meet his eyes. “It's something I've said isn't it ?”

Soonyoung weakly nods. It's faint, Jihoon could have missed it if all his attention wasn't focused on Soonyoung. “I'm sorry I hurt you, I didn't know. I promise it won't happen again. Ever.” He gently cradles Soonyoung's face with one of his hand, to make him look at him. When his eyes – his glassy and hurtful eyes – are on him, he asks : “Do you want to talk about it ?”

“I have to, don't I ?” And his voice is shaking and small and Jihoon doesn't know if he can bear it.

“You don't have to do anything.” He passes a hand through Soonyoung's hair, tries to comfort him. “But it would help a lot.”

Soonyoung nods and places his head on Jihoon's chest as he lies on his back, circling his waist with his arm. He breathes him in to feel grounded. Just as Jihoon is sure he actually won't talk about it but fall asleep instead he raises his voice.

“Before I dated Junhui and Wonwoo I was with another guy I had met at a dance class. He was hot and funny and a really good dancer. We clicked almost instantly and started dating not long after. We stayed together for seven months. At first everything was great and I was really attached to him. I wasn't in love but if we had stayed together longer I might have fallen for him. His name was Sejun.”

He closes his eyes as if just pronouncing the name brings back bad memories and holds Jihoon closer to him. In answer Jihoon only tightens his arms around his boyfriend.

“At that time I was only twenty one and believe it or not but I had an even higher libido than I do know. I had had sex with both girls and boys before, I used to fuck around a lot when I wasn't in a committed relationship so I wasn't really embarrassed by this kind of stuff anymore and I was always willing to try new things. Sejun was more than okay with that actually, but he was a little less confident in this area and he liked to make fun of me for my sexual record.

“At first it wasn't that bad and I didn't mind it, it was more that he was impressed by the things I knew or could do. He would only make a comment about how I must have done it a lot before or something like that. I tried to brush it off at first because I knew he didn't mean for it to hurt but as time passed he started to say it more and more, to be mean in his words. I told him I didn't like it, that he had no right to slutshame me, and on one side he agreed, he said he didn't really mean it and that he only said it to get in the mood when we were having sex. But on the other end... well he told me stuff like “you're such a dirty whore” and other things I don't want to remember. He degraded me, told me I was worthless and just his boytoy. I took it on me because it made him feel good and the aftercare was always great but I somehow still felt like a dirty bitch and nothing would help it.

“We eventually broke up over something totally different and I haven't heard of him since – which is a good thing – but it did leave a mark on my sex life... and my life as a whole I guess. It's my fault for being a stupid fuck I should have told him more clearly that I didn't like it and it wouldn't have hurt so bad.”

Jihoon has managed to keep quiet all along, to let Soonyoung deliver his story but it's more than he can endure. “Please baby don't say things like that. It's not your fault, okay ? You did everything right. He is the one guilty for not having listened to you. He abused you and he knew it, you have nothing to blame yourself for.”

He kisses Soonyoung's head repeatedly and holds him as tight as he can as if could he could put the pieces of Soonyoung's heart back together. He didn't deserve that, no one does. And now Jihoon feels like such a failure for having reminded him of that, but it's too late, he can't go back in time. “I'm so, so sorry I hurt you.”

“I'm the one who is sorry I haven't told you before. I told it to Junhui and Wonwoo and it hurt enough once, I didn't want to go through that again. I should have, because now I'm a mess and it's all my fault because I'm so stupid and -”

“Please stop.” Jihoon cries through bitter tears.”Don't say that, you're perfect, okay ? You're perfect.” He sniffles quietly, tries to recover his broken voice. “You've never done anything wrong. I should have asked you if degradation was a thing for you or not, if anything I'm the one who was being unconscious. So please, just stop.”

Soonyoung raises his head, surprised. He hadn't expected for Jihoon to start crying. He had no idea that he felt guilty. Gently, he wipes his tears and calms his heart.

“I love you Soonyoung, okay ?” Jihoon manages to say through the tears. “You're perfect, you have nothing to blame yourself for.”

“Alright baby stop crying now. I love you too but please stop you're going to make me cry again.”

Jihoon laughs at that, at how they lack communication and at how they're two stupid dorks who are in love with each other. They'll make it work, they always have.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have a ton of work to do for uni but instead i decided to post the longest update ive ever written for this fic. this is clearly the proof that my semester is going downhill.  
> A N Y W A Y.  
> as much as i liked alternating the past with the present this one was the last one, from now on we will only go with chapters set in the present. (and only three to go omg it feels weird??)  
> as i've said before, i'm done with school in may so next chapter at the latest at the end of may!!
> 
> thank you so much for your kuddos and comments, it means a lot to me ♥


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